It goes and it doesn't

I'm not very good at keeping this up. It's been over a month since my last entry, and a lot has happened. Classes, more classes, a few trips, a vacation with my mom, and now, back to classes.

I know now that I don't ever want to be a teacher. I don't like anything about it: bored students, loud students, stupid 'i-don't-want-to-learn' students. I don't like speaking English really slowly and repeating myself times. I don't like standing in front of a class for an entire hour, trying simultaneously to keep them interested, make sure they understand and actually teach them something. I enjoy a challenge, but not this kind. A mental challenge, a problem to be solved, ok. But teenagers and English...not so much.

That being said, there are some classes, or students that are ok. The truth is, I don't really know. Between crazy days off, vacations, and teachers cancelling classes for one reason or another, I have not been able to actually get to know the kids. This is discouraging...over a month in and there are still some classes I have not yet taught. I feel more like a burden for the teachers than an assistant, and I don't like feeling this way.

I also am the sort of person who enjoys really getting into a project, and of course keeping busy. Last year I took 19 credits and had two part time jobs, while also writing a 50 page thesis. I was stressed, yes, at the library in all my free time, but I was happy. I'm happiest when I'm kept busy and there's NOTHING here to keep me busy. I can read, sure, watch movies, take a walk...But it's not stimulating. It's not productive. I need to feel productive. What's ridiculous, though, is that for my (-)12 hours a week, I make way more monthly than I would if I worked at, for example, Stewart's for 40 hours a week.

I want to go back to school. I realize this now.